The poker tournament at the end of the world June 17, 2007
Posted by degenerateleftist in My Life, poker.1 comment so far
I plan on having a poker tournament sometime. Well, I’ve been planning on having a poker tournament for sometime. It’s taking time like all i do though.
I’ve set benchmarks for assessing progress, and I’m coming along on all the material goals (high grade chips and cards, a table, chairs, adult diapers), but am getting nowhere with the actual plans. this could be blamed on laziness, but instead I choose to give credit to Eisenhower on this.
He taught me to favour planning over plans. And he was right. If I went off and made plans for some poker tournament, then think of all the shit that could go wrong causing the plan to unravel. Setting a date would be difficult, people would cancel, someone might die, an epidemic could hit. But instead by just planning, I have everything in place in case the Nazis try to challenge me to set up a poker tournament immediately. “Oh yeah Hitler? Well it just so happens I have everything right here to run one, even an automatic card shuffler that requires outdated giant batteries from the 1930’s.” And then Hitler would surrender, and there’d be streets named after me for being the guy to finally defeat Hitler.
But my refusal/failure to actually make plans for a tournament more and more makes me think it’s just never going to happen. Which is too bad because I really need to practice face to face play before I go on a cruise in January where I plan to spend the entire time in the Casino playing poker. So far my face to face play has just taught me that I’m incapable of both remembering what my hole cards are if they aren’t on screen in front of me, and incapable of realizing I don’t know what they are. So I giggle a lot and keep raising. And if we make it to showdown, I’m very often as shocked as you are by what I went all the way with. This isn’t really a winning strategy.
Well, my exposed jawbone just started to hurt like shit, so I’m going to go use some mouthwash, take some painkillers, and lay down. Screw this post.
Really now Russia, get it together June 17, 2007
Posted by degenerateleftist in Politics.add a comment
I’d thought things were improving in Russia (maybe they are, but that just makes me shit my pants in fear at the mere thought of how bad things were before they got better). Putin is taking the classic Russian rough-road to economic growth, and can be kinda proud of the advancements made under his rule. (All the nukes in the world still ought to be launched at Russia, followed by chemical attacks and then immediately by guys with flamethrowers in chemical suits who burn people even if they’re clearly on their side just because their orders are that damn rigid.*)
Not improving in the sense that anyone would want to live there, but in that economic improvement looks like it could overtake despotic governance in the foreseeable future and Russia could move up to something like 17th Century Russia or even something as nice as say Australia as depicted in the Mad Max films. You know, something where if you read a story about a Russian guy who severed his own penis to make alcohol out of it and died of alcohol poisoning you’d be shocked, rather than just muttering “when will they learn” and moving on.
Apparently I was wrong though.
So, in the spirit of giving and goodness and all those things you associate with me, I’m not going to just move on after reading this latest story, about how 43% of deaths amongst working age Russians are caused by drinking things like cologne, or just going batshit insane with the amount of regular, “drinkable” alcohol they consume. I’m going to shove this story in the face of my 3.5 million/day readership, and ask that next time they see one of their Russian friends, they take them aside and have a talk with them about the dangers of drinking perfume, or at the very least go about their house putting “do not drink” labels on all the non-drinkable alcohol you can find.** (Make sure you really press the point though, since all Russians*** are born liars and will never tell you the truth. So even if they promise they’ve never drunk this stuff, that’s just all the more reason to worry that they have.)
I apologize because I had some funny pictures and funny taglines to put with them alongside this article but I’m posting from scribefire rather than inside wordpress, so putting pics up would border on being a pain. So here’s just the taglines:
“Yeltsin, aged 22″
“How Russians see themselves”
“How we see Russians”
“A Russian she-bear with her drunk brood, drunk”
“Sexy in Russia”
“Russian DNA has no gene for “goodness”"
*-Sorry, I keep dreaming about 28 Weeks Later. Especially about how France gets it next time.
**-Remember that they’ll likely be hiding some of it in places like the back of the toilet, or in <insert joke about characteristic Russian hiding places here>.
***-Recent studies suggest that people with even so little as 1/1024 parts Russian blood in them are incapable of telling the truth or having a job. At the 1/512 level they of course become shape-shifting vampires, also incapable of telling the truth, but somewhat employable under the right conditions.
Whales > Nepalese June 9, 2007
Posted by degenerateleftist in Stupid.add a comment
I don’t want to blog. But look at this article.
It’s about the ”axis of decency”. Norway doesn’t make the list because it allows whale hunting. Bhutan does despite kicking the Nepalese minority out into refugee camps. Costa Rica gets points for having no army, with the police only described as ”well equipped”, rather than ”wildy deathsquadish”.
I could go on but I want to go to sleep instead. Be sure to check out the evilness rating system at the end of the article. If you kill all your own citizens but don’t support terrorism or invade other countries, your maximum score is 3/10. The author manages to give Cuba only a 1.5. Though it should be noted that the Nazis only pulled off a 6/10 (2 for treatment of own people – or even 1, since I assume their social programs and environmental policies will mean a lot to this jackass, and their Holocaust much less. 3 for invading other countries. 0 For fomenting terrorism abroad, or maybe a 1 there if he wants to count some activities taking place in countries that weren’t really “abroad”. Another bonus point for the cult of personality.)
Ok, sleep.
Sometimes people make a war, don’t know what it’s for (business) June 7, 2007
Posted by degenerateleftist in Politics, Video.2 comments
My pickup skills June 3, 2007
Posted by degenerateleftist in HOWTO, My Life.2 comments
I was just reading this article on Orac about jackasses wearing scrubs to a bar in order to pick up, and I was reminded of my scrubs experience.
Back in high school a friend of mine and I bought scrubs from a second hand shop, mostly because I figured
there had to be money in appearing to be a docotor somewhere. That night, wearing our scrubs, we sat in a coffee shop talking about all number of things. Whithout me noticing, four girls sat down at the table beside us, and I assume noticing we were wearing scrubs, asked us what we were up to tonight. My friend acted too slowly to stop me, and I almost feel bad about it for him, but i really
quickly answered ”trying to have a fucking conversation”. It had the desired effect and allowed us to
get back to our conversation, though my friend seemed to be in shock for the rest of the night.
My pickup skills have not improved a whit since that time.
4/09, 2007 June 2, 2007
Posted by degenerateleftist in Stupid, Video.2 comments
This is why I don’t use public washrooms.*
Anyway, this is for Kyle:
*-So that I don’t get AIDS from a toilet seat and die, thus missing out on more shit to laugh at by stupids.
Giant Centipedes June 2, 2007
Posted by degenerateleftist in Bio, Video.3 comments
People have been unwilling to belive me that these things exist.
So here:
here’s one with a centipede-view-cam:
And finally, a Centipede fighting a snake.
