As the worlds most buyable reviewer, and as a person with a barely-there blog, I’m probably not on any PR division’s gifts list, but I’d love to be.

A couple much luckier/more popular bloggers have found themselves on Microsoft’s gift list. I’d love to be there myself. or on anyone’s gift list. I’d love to review Kubuntu on a new, top notch, laptop. Or Vista! Anything but a Mac basically, my hatred of them being too intense.

I’d also review, if given: a bunkbed, a condo, a chauffered car, clothes that fit me, a new tooth to replace the one that fell out, a million dollars, an army, a house, a compound, a national organization devoted to me, a small table with nice chairs, some new dress socks, a couple nice suits, nice glasses that are the right perscription, posters of Bismarck, Sun-Yatsen, Ataturk, Rommel, Eisenhower, TE Lawrence, Wellington. or Franz-Joseph, a new desktop computer, a private jet, a bunch of mutual funds, any country (except Italy — it’s a quagmire of shit), a replacement eye that can take pictures and find ranges and such, immortality, a political party, secret organization, or club, the ability to love, a bookshelf that matches my current one, lungs without this horrible pseudo-tuberculosis thing the doctors can’t identify, a barbeque, a bag of veal, entry into UofT for microbiology, an infantry or paratroop commission, a gun license, a gun-a-month, the defeat of my enemies, a coup, the worldwide end of democracy, lots of new underwear, the world’s finest coffee, a skilled barrista (I would keep them in the closet of the condo I was also given), a second spoon, a third cup, a third plate, an iron pot, a humidifier, central air, a rapier, the end of bicycles, all the blood of all the communists, the partition of Italy, the Hofburg, my family’s land, the expensive pills my doctors prescribe me before remembering I can’t afford them, a cure for what ails me, a machine gun arm, an end to romantic love in the world, more wars, an end to supranational organizations, the return of Switzerland and the Netherlands (amongst other places), the collapse of religion, the reconstituted title of Holy Roman Emperor, a military coup in Turkey to protect the constitution, the resurrection of Bismarck, Bismarck and Wellington’s clothes, Pinochet’s clothes, a fatal heart attack for Harper, the repeal of most everything Harper’s done, especially the incredible cuts to disability payments for Veterans, open immigration, a NY-for-the-Yukon trade with the US, four more years for Bush to destroy American international power, a high quality frying pan, the return of Arrested Development, the resurrection of Bodie, the military in the streets, the death of Putin and his KGB pals + also probably a wall around Russia, Israel out of Palestine, many more things, I could probably go on for far too long mixing things I want for myself along with things for other people to make me look less selfish.

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