I was just staring at myself in the mirror thinking about how beautiful my eyes are, and I realized I have a beautiful lower lip.  The upper lip is fine too, but it’s a bit thin and I’m still weirded out by what that history prof told me about it in the hall in Guelph.
Anyway, I think it might be a bit orange right now from tomato sauce.  I tried to eat a whole bag of pasta shortly before I puked while watching that amazing video from the last post. 
Also, if I roll up the sleeves on my tshirt and make a sneery face I look just like I did in high school when I was a punk, but maybe a bit more wise.  Also, instead of sleeping, I watched every Borat clip in existence I think, including some I’d never seen before, and I am goddamned happy right now.  Boratus avesomii est! 
Also, I’ve returned to blogging because I remembered why I liked it: wasting people’s time!!
I remembered how good that was after I started setting up IRC channels where you got automessaged by a bot to be quiet everytime you posted a message, and where you’d get randomly kicked or banned at random intervals, and just littered the IRCscape with em.  Having those out there makes me just a little bit happier, since people flock to the channels for some reason, and so I know that just about every second of my life, I’m wasting someone’s time.  And not even in one of those 1:1 ways where I’m wasting just as much time.  It takes me a couple seconds to set up those different channels, they hook in shitloads of people, and those shitloads end up feeling just a little bit worse.  And those little bits add up into my happiness.  It’s the same with the blog.  It takes no time to write, it’s usually something I do while reading something, and I don’t even bother to edit it or even read it to see if it made sense.  And if I get the feeling it doesn’t make sense, I just apologize for it with about 1 or 2 sentences and am done with it!
The only problem is that after my hiatus from blogging, I likely have no more readers…

The rest of this daker remix video doesn’t do much for me, but during the part before he starts singing that he’s just silent for a long time, i started laughing and then puked.  now i have a throatache  my throat hurts and i have a headache.  

This is for the people who didn’t believe me about the heroic Killdozer.  As much as I love the introduction of the supposed driver/creator through a sinister close up of his eyes, this video is kind of shitty for pushing the lie that there was a human behind Killdozer, rather than that Killdozer was a living monster-being/hero.  They even, disturbingly, push the sad claim that the supposed driver then shot himself, rather than the truth, that he was the prisoner of Killdozer, who Killdozer shot while he was imprisoned in his belly.
The footage of Killdozer’s fight with Officer Scrapotron3000 is a little short, but it’s enough to give you an idea of the momentous events of that day.
In a strange epilogue to the story, Killdozer was melted down or something and maybe made into something, or not made into something?  I don’t remember, but it was kind of ominous, or maybe cool.  Possibly it was just funny.  Really, it was like 2 years ago that he was melted down, and I can hardly be expected to remember details from that long ago. 
Here’s the video:

BTW: if you’re using firefox, you should really download flashblock from the extensions page.

There’s a special part of my heart set aside for loving “alternative medical treatments” that are horribly uncomfortable or humiliating. 
I fully recognize that alternative medicine is no joking matter and kills many, many people who would have otherwise received non-insane treatment.  It’s a shame, yes.  But still, when I hear about them drinking their urine, I get positively giddy.

Anyway, this article headlined “Healing power of electricity raises hope of new treatments“, surely will lead to some grand misunderstanding on the part of the homeopathic/crystal-worship set and lead to people outright electrocuting themselves.  Fuck, it’s only a matter of months before electro-health bracelets get released which constantly electrocute you throughout the day to better aid in whatever: the elimination of “toxins”, balancing your fields, scaring off ghosts, or blibling your dusops.  For now though, they should just use those electric dog collars and electrocute themselves every couple minutes.
Awesome.

I’ve just realized, watching Blackadder: Back and Forth, that Kate Moss looks a lot like someone I had a crush on.  So I’ve changed my mind on the whole Kate Moss front, and no longer want her to catch on fire, but instead now just want her to get off the coke.  I’m sure she’ll sleep easier now.

Some of you may know that I’ve been working very hard on a plan to change the nature of the Canadian Prime Ministership such that they are referred to in American politics as the “Wizard of the North” and are sought out by the US President for opaque, versed prophesy. I’ve changed my mind a bit, and realized that we certainly need a working PM of some sort, and so I’d rather invest a head of state with this role. I don’t think the Governor General, our current head of state, could take this role. They’re appointed after all, and
a representative, and so they really can’t be a prophetic wizard. What we’ll need is a hereditary head of state, especially one who thinks they’re a wizard. They can’t be acting, or at least no one could know they’re acting, and they’ll definitely need to breed in such a way that future generations of this family are increasingly suited to the role.
I’m sure all witnesses will agree, also, that my demonstrations of how the Wizard of the North should behave are exactly what we need. And so I suppose I’m willing to take on this Wizard role so long as I never have to worry about money ever again.

Anyway, that’s not the point of this post, that’s just old news being updated for those who care. What’s new is my plan to reform the British monarchy.
It is of absolute necessity that from this day forward, the succession be based on a determination (by some committee to be established for this purpose) as to which successor is both the most evil and stupid. The evil should be limited in some way. We aren’t looking for a King of England who breaks into people’s homes and rapes them. We’re looking for more of a megalomaniacal plotter prone to crazed public outbursts. Using this succession process we should in only a few generations move to a monarchy that competes amongst itself to appear the most stupid and wicked, but one that finds non-crazy beyond it’s grasp.

Of course, in both these cases, though the Wizard and the plotting monarch will both be “heads of state”, they’d absolutely be separated from the state. Strict Hobbesian that I am, I couldn’t allow for any diminishment of the State or it’s authority.
Also, though both these political reforms might seem to be jokes, I’m confused to find that I really think they’d make a difference in the world, at least for me.